Coty’s Neighborhood

Have you ever experienced Kräftskiva - the annual Swedish crayfish party? No? You should. It is, as the Vikings would no doubt have put it, Hællå Fün. In our case it involved 30lbs of crayfish and nearly half a grand's worth of booze BECAUSE THAT'S JUST HOW WE ROLL, CRUSTACEAN WISE.

The collected guests didn't quite keep up with the "one drink for every claw" that tradition demands and, as such, casualties were kept to a minimum despite, at one point, a minor outbreak of fire and numerous outbursts of what can only be described as 'singing''.

No Finns were harmed in the making of the party.

And you know what - that means it's time for revolutionary tinged Swedish Glam Punk Rock

because if it's ever the wrong time to watch balaclava weating scantily clad men and women, daubed with anarchist, communist and other assorted political symbols smashing up a Carmen Red Jaguar XJ II then frankly I don't want to be right.

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-daisy

On a whim I picked up some Pork Tenderloin on the way home yesterday because, let's face it, isn't life essentially meaningless without chunks of raw swine. The phrase "existential void" is lurking, sullenly on my frontal lobes. Full ahead I thought, cheerfully, and DAMN the trichinosis.

Not that I had any idea what to do with it of course, but I determinedly poured myself a glass of vino and perused my oddly lopsided spice rack (15 different types of salt, no chilli powder. You get the picture).

The pork came in two loins and so I whipped up a marinade of garlic, cayenne, orange juice, coffee and cocoa powder and let both slabs luxuriate in them for 15 minutes whilst I set the oven and made sure that bottle knew who's boss. It's not for nothing that I studied at the Keith Floyd School of cooking.

I took one of the loins and pan roasted it then stuck the pan in the oven with some chunks of onions for about 20 minutes. And it came out looking like this

Sliced Pork Tenderloin

After resting for 15 minutes (during which time I gave the bottle another stern talking to) I plated it up with a avocado and spring green salad and some rice

Plated Pork Tenderloin

If you can make it out in this incredible dark photo then the black morass at the top left is the caramelised onions which turned out even better than I'd expected - they'd really picked up the spices and the smokiness from the coffee and chocolate.

And damn tasty it was too - moist but with a crispy crust. The marinade turned out really well too considering it was largely a random collection of whatever I had in my cupboard ("Hmm, mincemeat, maybe that will work").

And what happened to the other tenderloin you might be asking? Or might not to be honest. You might also be sitting in front of your computer asking the world at large loudly who this bloke is and why he keeps taking bad photos of food. Or more philisophical questions like "If omnipotence is defined as the ability to do anything then surely that must include the ability to create something that can't be done?" or "Is that nagging in my soul a reaction to the vapid consumerism of everyday life or just that I've got the munchies?". Either way, I recommend having more wine. Not my wine of course, get your own you stingy bastard, and, oh, I seemed to have finished mine anyway. Can I have some of yours?

Anyway, the other loin. I chopped it up into knuckle sized chunks which, having marinaded in the same sauce, I placed lovingly but firmly in a roasting pan with more roughly chopped onion and then covered with foil. When the first loin (do keep up) came out of the oven I turned the temperature right down and then stuck the second loin in for, oooh, a couple of hours. The nice thing about dishes like this is that you could even do it for longer - things just keep getting more tender. or burn eventually but the margin of error is quite large.

It ended up looking like this

Slow roasted Pork Tenderloin

It was so tender that even transferring it to the bowl caused it to fall apart. It's currently sitting in my fridge until I figure out what to do with it - possibly tacos or over more rice tonight.

Or I could make a meatshake out of it. Mmm.

A little history - I have a Yellow Lab, her name is Riley, she is 8 years old, she has useless hips, and for her entire life, she has been 'Big Boned'.

She is also like any other lab in that she will eat anything; one of her favorite things is to eat are entire loaves of bread.  There are no crumbs of evidence.  When you walk into the kitchen, nothing has been disturbed and there is no sign of a struggle to get to the loaf of bread.  Unfortunately, in the living room, the crime scene is there.  You might think it would be a mess of crumbs considering an entire loaf of bread would be hard for someone who weighs 200 pounds to eat, let alone a dog who only weighs 75 pounds.  (Remember, Big Boned) 

Sadly - the crime scene only shows the remainder of the plastic bag for the bread.  There is only a very small remainder of the plastic bag - Riley is not particular about bread or plastic.  However, this starts the cycle of fun that makes me go “We have a dog again, why?”  I will not go into all the gory details, but when you own your own carpet steam cleaner, it is not a good thing.

She is also is not really into her dog food.  It was food to fight the need of the steam cleaner.  I could tell she hated it.  It is rare to see a lab turn down food.  So, I stopped feeding her normal dog food and I started grabbing the trader joe’s precooked frozen rice bags.  Stab the plastic bag, microwave for 3 minutes, and feed the dog.  Pretty darn convenient for a while but I figured, if a human could not survive on rice alone, a dog could not either. 

I did a little searching around the web and there is no shortage of hoovy groovy hippie BS food that claim to be ‘all good’.  After reading up on things, I concluded that if you can buy it from Petco, there are chunks of horse heads, cow butts, and poop; you know only the finest for animals.  There are some foods out there that look like someone was trying, but they came in these giant, non-frozen logs of expensive chopped up ‘stuff’.  Better than pebbles of clay called dog food, I guess.

I figure, if the rice thing was working, why not just figure out a way to complete the group of amino acids necessary to be complete proteins.  Looked around some more on people that were making their own.  There were some weird recipes out there.  There was a lot of seasoning, garlic, herbs, and other wack stuff a dog just does not need.  I found a super simple recipe and I thought it might just work.  Simple deal: 4 cups uncooked rice, 2 pounds ground turkey, and 2 pounds of carrots.  I also stumbled on a cool way to cook rice - 1.5 cups per 1 cup uncooked rice.  Bring water to boil, put rice in the water, and bring to boil while stirring a little.  When the water is boiling, turn off the heat and leave it alone for 20-30 mins for jasmine or 45 mins for brown.  One time, in the middle of the waiting - stir once.  It is awesome, no burnt rice, no rice cooker, about as low maintenance as it gets.

Tonight was my second time making the grub for the dog.  The first batch only made 5 days worth of food.  I thought that it might be better to make a lot more food and change her meals from 4 cups a day to 3 (Big Bones).  My recipe was not exactly right, but I cooked up 5 pounds of shredded carrots (the kid’s first time using a Cuisinart), 6 cups uncooked brown rice, and 5 pounds of ground turkey.  That turned out to be a lot of food to cook!  That took five burners of six and some giant pots and pans.

After everything was cooked, I had two skillets of turkey, two skillets of carrots, and a big pot of rice.  I also had no place to mix this all up.  Scrambling I went to the garage (thereis always something in the garage) and found a big plastic storage bin.  Threw all that in there and mixed it up.  Aimee helped me bag it up and fill the freezer.  Here is a pic of my masterpiece.  Now I have to find a big kitchen where either I can cook it up big style or have them cook it up for me.  Riley loves this stuff btw…

Photo_082

Photo_08

This weekend I learnt to weld. And cut stuff with oxyacetylene torches. I now feel approximately 10-15% more manly than I did on Friday and it's another thing ticked off the ToDo list I keep in order to be fully prepared for the forthcoming zombie apocalypse.

I'm absolutely fucking knackered though. And strangely sore.

Things I learnt:

• Electrodes for arc welding burn through startlingly quickly
• Welders masks are really, really dark. When I first put mine on I thought it was broken.
• That head flip thing to bring your mask down is practical as well as making you feel cool.
• Metal gets really hot when you weld it.
• The same defective gene that makes me pick up hot things in my hands when I'm cooking is alive and well when I'm welding (see above).
  
• Cutting things with a torch is just bad ass.
• It's amazing how quickly you become blasé about a 3500 °C flame.
• The phrase "finessing molten metal by whacking it a lump hammer" makes perfect sense.

And on that note, a bit of digital hardcore should go down nicely

The car is in mint condition.  Dinan Engineering used the car in his catalog for pictures.  The car has 13,000 miles.  Single Owner, Serviced Meticulously, No Damage/Body Work.

Here are factory specs:

• 2007 BMW 335i Coupe - 6 Speed Manual Transmission
• Alpine White Exterior, Black Dakota Leather Interior with Brushed Aluminum Trim
• Sport Package
• 8-way adjustable front sport seats with adjustable back bolsters with Drive Memory
• 2-way headrests and manual adjustable thigh support
• Optional Dinan Engineering 19” Lightweight Wheel Set – Price $4,000
• 265/30/19 front, 275/30/19 rear Michelin Pilot Sport Tires – Tire Rack Price $1,500
• Premium Package
• BMW Assist, Bluetooth
• Lumbar Support
• Auto Dimming Interior and Exterior Mirrors with Digital Compass
• Universal Garage Door Opener
• Ground Lighting in Door Handles & Front and Rear Ambient Lighting
• Dual Power/Heated Exterior Mirrors
• Tilt/Telescopic 3 Spoke Leather Sport Steering Wheel with Finger Tip Controls
• Heated Seats Front Seats
• Active Steering
• Logic 7 Premium Audio System[INDENT]
• Sirius Radio
• IPod/MP3 Player input
• Single CD/MP3 Player
• DVD Based Navigation System
• Stability Control
• Traction Control
• Anti-Lock Brake System
• Dual Front and Side Air Bags
• Moon roof
• Air Conditioning
• Power steering
• Power windows
• Power Door Locks
• Cruise Control

Dinan Engineering Additions – Dinan Engineering is the only Factory Authorized Tuner for BMW.  All of his products are available for purchase directly through BMW dealerships as dealer-installed options.  Dinan Engineering does not void the BMW warranty and Dinan Engineering adds 4 years and 50,000 miles from the date of install.

• Stage III Performance Engine Software Upgrade
• Stock power is 300hp/300lb ft upgrade to 406hp/460lb ft – Price $1,999
• High Capacity Oil Coiler System – Price $1,999
• Free Flow Exhaust – Price $1,749
• Stage III Suspension System – Price $2,248
• Camber Plates to add +1/2 degree of negative camber on front wheels
• Performance Spring Set
• Koni Adjustable Struts and Shocks
• Front Anti Roll Bar with 2 new sets of bushings
• Rear Antiroll Bar with matching bump stops
• Limited Slip Differential (Quaife) – Price $1,695

My car was in a comparison exercise against the new BMW M3 and the video is here:

http://www.webridestv.com/videos/bmw-shoot-out---dinan-335i-vs--stock-m3-79736

Listen carefully for the differences in time; they are miniscule. Please note the prices in the video are for a base model 335 and do not include the price of the wheels.

$48,595 Car Sticker Price

 $4,000 Wheels

 $1,500 Tires

 $1,999 Engine Upgrade

 $1,999 Oil Cooler

 $1,749 Exhaust

 $2,248 Suspension

 $1,695 Differential

$63,785 + Tax + Fees - Total

$57,000 - Asking Price

Jon Prall - jprall@gmail.com - 650-465-8405

My car picture taken from Dinan Engineering’s website, and advertising shots

335iWhole

335iRear

335iFrontLeft

Whoops. It appears to be Tuesday already. Tricksy weekends and Friday weddings confusings me.

In the spirit of laziness and expediency then, MORE JONATHAN GLAZER.

I promise this will be the last one. Honest.

Note once again the use of lighting and colour palette - that there's so much texture in a video which is almost monochromatically green and grey is, well, pretty damn impressive. Similarly the use of what wikipedia informs me are called diegetic sounds - the actual ambient sounds of the scene rather than just the music - add another layer of crunchy texture on the bitter but smooth yoghurt of the video. Or something. It's possible I'm rambling.

This is the super extra long special double-double extra edition because, well, who doesn't want 5 minutes of slightly unsettling and depressing music and visuals.

The Happy Couple

14 comments

"When was the last time you were at a wedding that had a death defying hike, rogue waves, a luau, ultimate fighting, a presidential candidate and a budding bromance?" asks Papi Chulo. For most of us, the answer is never, but luckily, Papi Chulo and Secret Agent Scotch took the time to Vox all the amazing moments during their unforgettable Hawaiian wedding on 08.08.08 so we could all take part in the festivities.

The story began last February, when Papi Chulo popped the question and  Secret Agent Scotch said yes! Since then, they've kept us in the loop about all the details, from the bride's veil to the wedding song to the final To-Do List. And throughout it all, they inspired us with their love for each other. (I'm pretty sure it doesn't get any better than knowing your future husband thinks you are The Perfect Girl.)

It's an amazing love story and we are thrilled they shared it with us. Watch the video of the ceremony and please join us in wishing Papi Chulo and Secret Agent Scotch the fairytale ending they deserve.

And What's a Team Vox Post without New Themes?

Spice up your Vox blog with one of our latest themes (found in the design area under "New") or any of our hundreds of themes. From shopping to sushi, comics to cycling, there's something for everyone.

Vox Themes August 08

Can't get enough of the wedding? A few lucky Voxers - Krissy, djchall, and Beau Smith - made the trip to Hawaii to take part in the celebration. Check out their Vox blogs for more pictures and stories.

Congratulations again to Secret Agent Scotch and Papi Chulo! Enjoy the Honeymoon!

~daisy 

I'm surfing some sort of endocrinological roller coaster here (and, apparently, mixing my metaphors with alacrity and gay abandon) suffering from the trifecta of immunocompromise, jetlag and post wedding attendance recovery. Yesterday I sat down in front of the Hungarian GP and then promptly slept through the whole thing waking only to catch the instant replays - my reptile brain somehow roused from its slumber by a sudden rise in excitement in James Allen's commentary maybe - only to crash straight back out again. Even after nearly 10 hours sleep last night I can barely keep my eyes open. It's possible, as John McClane would say, that I'm getting too old for this shit.

Either ways, I'm tired and lazy and so I'm going to stay with Jonathan Glazer for inspiration.

Perfectly suited to highlight Jay Kay's unique dancing style the video was a mind blower - although being a nerdish film geek with the kind of unsatisfied mind that likes knowing how magic tricks are done it somewhat baffled me that people couldn't work out how it was done. Although it occurs to me, in retrospect, that that sort of attitude may be why I remain friendless and alone to this day with nothing but my internet arguments and a bottle of Scotch for company.

I'm a sucker for long tracking shots, especially the kind of establishing tracking shot used at the start of Serenity and the 12 minute long one at the start of Snake Eyes (perhaps the only bit of the film I really liked. Apart from Carla Gugino) although a sneaking part of me suspects it's because I like to play "spot the cuts, esepcially when no-one else can". See my above point about the internet/whisky for more details.

I confess to not having seen this video for years - its media saturation on launch probably providing indefinite satiety. What's weird is how ropey it looks this time around. I mean, I never liked the dodgily comped crow or the obvious cuts 'hidden' by pans down to writhing insects. And thematically (so to speak) that black liquid was always somewhat baffling. But moreso I can't help but noticing the Doctor Who-esque wall wobbling this time around - how on earth did I miss that before or was it just willfull denial? And if I'm being harsh some of the floor moving sequences are repeated.

That said it still looks fresh and new and, even knowing the secret to how it's done, the sequences where Jay barely misses being 'trapped' between the encoraching couch and the wall still look stunning.